Commissioner's Reserve
Whole-bean fantasy fuel, roasted to order and shipped with a side of trash talk.
$24.00
12 oz · whole bean or ground
Choose your grind
1
Free shipping over $40
Roasted to order
The Story
Flex
This blend was made specifically for the person running this circus. Arguments that grown adults shouldn't be having — handled. Nobody appreciates you. This coffee does. Will the power corrupt you? Obviously.
Coffee Profile
TASTING NOTES — Rich praline sweetness. Smooth body. Perfectly balanced. Medium Roast · Sourced from Brazil, Colombia & Guatemala TASTES LIKE — Notes of raw power, unpaid dues, and quietly simmering resentment.
Free Shipping
On all orders over $40. Because you\’ve already paid enough in waiver bids.
Championship Guarantee
We can\’t guarantee you\’ll win. But we guarantee this coffee won\’t be the reason you lose.
Nutrition Facts
Per Season · Values Not Guaranteed
Smack Meter
2/5 — SIDE-EYE
“I'm Busy That Weekend” Texts
14
People Who Still Haven't Paid
9
Disputes Settled
47
Thank Yous Received
0
Power Corrupted By
Obviously
* Trash-talk content may exceed the recommended daily intake.
Keep the roster stocked
