The Alarm
Whole-bean fantasy fuel, roasted to order and shipped with a side of trash talk.
$24.00
12 oz · whole bean or ground
Choose your grind
1
Free shipping over $40
Roasted to order
The Story
Event
The injury report drops at 4pm and you already know before your league mates finish their lunch. That's not luck — that's discipline. Made for the manager who treats every notification like a five-alarm fire. Bold, urgent, and way too awake for how early it is.
Coffee Profile
TASTING NOTES — Bakers chocolate. Caramelized sugar. Deep, velvety body. Dark Roast · South American blend TASTES LIKE — Urgent, Bold, Loud
Free Shipping
On all orders over $40. Because you\’ve already paid enough in waiver bids.
Championship Guarantee
We can\’t guarantee you\’ll win. But we guarantee this coffee won\’t be the reason you lose.
Nutrition Facts
Per Season · Values Not Guaranteed
Smack Meter
1/5 — FRIENDLY FIRE
Alerts Received
Constantly
Snooze Buttons Hit
Never
Minutes Before Lock
Plenty To Spare
Urgency Level
Maximum
Draft Day Panics
Zero
* Trash-talk content may exceed the recommended daily intake.
Keep the roster stocked
