Read The Fucking Rules.
Whole-bean fantasy fuel, roasted to order and shipped with a side of trash talk.
$24.00
12 oz · whole bean or ground
Choose your grind
1
Free shipping over $40
Roasted to order
The Story
Ritual
It was in the welcome email, the pinned message, the reminder, and the document titled RULES. You asked anyway. A brutally direct French roast for commissioners one repeated question away from dissolving the league.
Coffee Profile
TASTING NOTES — Bittersweet chocolate. Toasty. Bold and full-bodied. French Roast (Dark) · Sourced from Brazil TASTES LIKE — THE PINNED MESSAGE · A MISSED DEADLINE · ONE MORE DUMB QUESTION SMACK METER — 5/5 · League-Ending
Free Shipping
On all orders over $40. Because you\’ve already paid enough in waiver bids.
Championship Guarantee
We can\’t guarantee you\’ll win. But we guarantee this coffee won\’t be the reason you lose.
Nutrition Facts
Per Season · Values Not Guaranteed
Smack Meter
5/5 — League-Ending
Rulebook Pages Read
0
Questions Repeated
The Same One
Pinned Messages Ignored
All
Commissioner Patience
Expired
Answer Location
First Email
* Trash-talk content may exceed the recommended daily intake.
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