STFU Blend
Whole-bean fantasy fuel, roasted to order and shipped with a side of trash talk.
$24.00
12 oz · whole bean or ground
Choose your grind
1
Free shipping over $40
Roasted to order
The Story
Shame
147 unread messages, all about a waiver claim from Week 2 that nobody's letting go of. You muted it. You had to. This blend is for the manager who's one more notification away from leaving the group chat entirely. Dark, bitter, done arguing.
Coffee Profile
TASTING NOTES — Rich cocoa. Toasted nuts. Full-bodied. Medium-Dark Roast · Sourced from Brazil & Mexico TASTES LIKE — Bold, Loud, Unfiltered
Free Shipping
On all orders over $40. Because you\’ve already paid enough in waiver bids.
Championship Guarantee
We can\’t guarantee you\’ll win. But we guarantee this coffee won\’t be the reason you lose.
Nutrition Facts
Per Season · Values Not Guaranteed
Smack Meter
4/5 — SCORCHED EARTH
Messages Muted
147 And Counting
Notifications Ignored
Daily
Group Chats Left
One, Briefly
Peace Achieved
Temporary
Volume Level
Finally Down
* Trash-talk content may exceed the recommended daily intake.
Keep the roster stocked
