You Didn't Tank. You Just Suck.
Whole-bean fantasy fuel, roasted to order and shipped with a side of trash talk.
$24.00
12 oz · whole bean or ground
Choose your grind
1
Free shipping over $40
Roasted to order
The Story
Shame
Rebuilding is intentional. This was not. You started the wrong players, ignored waivers, and renamed the collapse a strategy. Deep dark roast for the manager whose master plan looks exactly like finishing last by accident.
Coffee Profile
TASTING NOTES — Bakers chocolate. Caramelized sugar. Deep, velvety body. Dark Roast · South American Blend TASTES LIKE — FOURTEEN EXCUSES · ZERO BAD LUCK · LAST-PLACE ENERGY SMACK METER — 5/5 · League-Ending
Free Shipping
On all orders over $40. Because you\’ve already paid enough in waiver bids.
Championship Guarantee
We can\’t guarantee you\’ll win. But we guarantee this coffee won\’t be the reason you lose.
Nutrition Facts
Per Season · Values Not Guaranteed
Smack Meter
5/5 — League-Ending
Strategic Losses
Allegedly
Actual Bad Decisions
14
Trade Value Created
None
Toilet Trophies Earned
1
Rebuild Timeline
Indefinite
* Trash-talk content may exceed the recommended daily intake.
Keep the roster stocked
